the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
