Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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