i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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