Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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