i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
