My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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