we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
