When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
