My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
