That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to make out with him forever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize