Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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