So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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