Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize