i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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