How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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