I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Small penises have feelings too.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
