Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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(325): View more from Texas

just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?

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(217): View more from Illinois

You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk

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(509): View more from Washington

The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.

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(727): View more from Florida

The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.

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