i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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