3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
