The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
