this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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