return my video game
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
