She's JV to your varsity
I could make wine with my vomit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
