We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
