You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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