Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
