I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
