If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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