absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
