Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
love makes seman taste better
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
