I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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