Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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