Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
