We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
