How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
