So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
