Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize