I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
