I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
