just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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