What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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