so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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