there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
