were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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