i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
