Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
