i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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