So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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