Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
