A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
