She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
