I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
