thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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