Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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