You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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