I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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