The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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