She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
