rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
