is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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