I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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