jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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