They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
