It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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