Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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