you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
