Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
