Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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