I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
be right there i have to get my cape
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize