Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize