I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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