I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
