My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
