i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
