look no pants
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
