Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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