i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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