We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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