I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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