Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
