Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
