Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
