When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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